Why is it so hard to hold an abusive person accountable for their actions?
Answer: Because they are either in denial, or they simply deny!
Abusers regularly deny the abuse ever took place, rationalize their abusive behaviors, or cover themselves with tactics.
Adults with a lifetime of practice are usually very skilled deniers. An arrogant manner may indicate a lifetime of “successful” manipulation, along with grandiosity and contempt for others, who they regard as inferior. This includes individuals who adhere to moral values and respect the rules of ‘fair play.’
Here is an example of a victim trying to hold an abuser accountable. The abuser responds with antagonizing diversions, mocking his victim and flaunting his contempt as he completely ignores the issue of his abusive behavior. By picking on the victim’s word choice, he diverts attention away from his offensive behavior and onto her response to his behavior.
Victim: “What you have done is very damaging. I demand an explanation. Your attempts to shift the responsibility over to me and to cop out are clear to everyone.”
Bob Seidensticker: “Sure, call it a cop out if that’ll end this conversation.”
Victim: “Let’s call it something else then. Call it whatever you want. I will still insist on some answers.”
- DARVO—Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim/Offender (psychopathresistance.wordpress.com)
- INDIRECT Abusers (acoarecovery.wordpress.com)
- Notices the Lies. (imperfectlady.typepad.com)
- Psychological Abuse : A Silent Abuse (janaandthestone.wordpress.com)
- Emotional Abuse (toddlohenry.com)
- 10 Early Warning Signs of an Abuser (sbstardust3.wordpress.com)
- Denial (menbuildingbridges.wordpress.com)